Yesterday I did the most difficult thing I have ever done. I walked into the vet’s office with my cat, Indie, and walked out crying with an empty cage in my hands. Amy and I got Indie from Uncle Bill’s Pet Store on the South side of Indianapolis a few months after we moved in together in 1998 and she was such a sweet little mischievous kitten back then. The reason we picked her instead of any other cat was because she licked my finger as I poked it through a hole in the cage. She really was always such a friendly, good natured, and affectionate cat. She was always just hanging around. Indie was our first baby and made friends with some of the bands that crashed at our place back then; bands like Midtown, Alkaline Trio, New Found Glory, At The Drive-In, Boxer, Lounge, Supermarket All-Stars, River City High, Allister, RX Bandits, No On 15, and probably more. If Amy and I were sitting on the couch, she would find a comfy spot between us. She would race around the house as if chasing some invisible prey. It must have been about five years ago that she developed a colon condition. At first we took her to the vet numerous times, gave her medication, and tried different home treatments. They worked for a little while, but she kept having episodes. Eventually she would just work the problem out and be fine for a period of time, but over the past few years, the times she was sick began to outnumber the times she resembled the happy cat we knew her to be. She would vomit around the house, sometimes miss her litter box (if she could go at all), and just withdraw away from everyone until she felt better. Towards the end it was obviously painful and difficult to her and her weight dropped from about 11 lbs. a few years ago to 6 lbs. last week. That cat had a such presence and a personality. When she was really happy she would drool so much that she’d leave we spots on our clothes. Once she got used to Hailey she would sometimes jump on her Hailey’s bed for story time at night and meow. She loved to snuggle and loved to be loved. So yesterday after work I took Indie from the arms of my tearful wife and took her to the vet. She always hated riding in the car. When we got to the vet I just held her and waited. When we got called into the room I just held her as he explained the procedure and everything else. To be honest, I wasn’t really listening. I held Indie as he gave her the injection that knocked her out. I held her limp body when the vet injected the euthanasia solution. A minute later he checked for a heartbeat and said she had passed. I spent another few minutes holding her, petting her, and crying before I said goodbye and walked out of the room. I can’t help but wonder if there was anything else we could have done and if we made the right decision. If she would have died naturally and not because we chose this for her might have made it easier. Actually, knowing that we made the right decision doesn’t make it any easier. It still sucks really bad. I could be all tough and macho about it, but I’m man enough to admit that I cried like a little girl. Fuck it. Even though we have two kids under the age of 4 and another cat, our house still seems empty. We loved her like the pain in the ass family member that she was and we will miss her very much. R.I.P. Indie (7/19/1998 – 9/28/2009)
MP3 | The Weakerthans – Plea From A Cat Named Virtute
MP3 | The Weakerthans – Virtute The Cat Explains Her Departure
sorry for your loss.
im ridiculously close to my cat… this brought a tear to my eye.
Thank you for your post about Indie. I have lost two great kittehz to cancer. It is really a decision made out of love to spare them from suffering but you are right that it does not make it suck one bit less. Rejoice that she had a great life with a family that loved her and that she loved back.
I was struck by your post and my wishes are with you during the early days of what I know is a difficult process.
Last year at this same time, my cat, Julianna, was also fading away, losing weight, vomiting, etc. until I had to do too the most difficult thing I have ever done – put Julianna to sleep on Dec 21 2008.
It’s almost a year later and I still miss her, and as much as time does help lessen the blow, it’s still a huge loss – strangely, the biggest of my life. I was fortunate that we had 17.5 years together – but that makes missing her even harder.
I would do anything in the world to have one more good day with her. I recommend concentrating on the good times – as you seem to be – and knowing that Indie loved you. Bless you.
Phil